Thread: Dealing with the depression of losing a loved one.

3 years ago I lost my grandmother to breast cancer and it was one of the hardest thing I had to experience. Not only was the loss of my grandmother sad enough but witnessing how my mother crumbled over the loss of her mother was heartbreaking and I felt useless and out of loss of words to comfort her. in the days and weeks after my grandma's death my mother lost all interst in life, she spent her days crying at home with out any motivation to do anything. There was nothing that anyone of us could do to make her feel better. Not even our pastor was able to get her out of her feelings of depression. Finally my mother agreed to go to a mental health counselor and talk about her feelings and also agreed to see her doctor for antidepressants. She was given Zoloft and with twice a week visits to the therapist, within a few weeks she was able to finally come to terms with the loss and continue with her everyday activities without breaking down and crying. After 2 months she got off the meds but she still sees the therapist every once in a while, not as often anymore but during the time of the holidays or grandma's birthday she makes an appt. Weird thing is that she goes to the therapy sessions and when she comes back she doesnt tell us a thing of what happened, but we can clearly see her in a better state of mind.

The same happened to my aunt when we lost a cousin in a car crash. It's been over 2 years, and she doesn't seem to get better. I guess that losing a son is the worst thing that can happen to a mother

One of the best way to solve this problem is to beat your mind and stop thinking about that, in this circumstance new hobby might help, but you got to understand that death will come sooner or later and there is only one choice to live as in the past.

I think that Halishas is right, you need to stop thinking about that and get new hobbies, just as well, changing a little bit your lifestyle, that way, you might not spend so much time thinking about it

My mother died and my father and I were a wreck. Dad tried to be strong and was a tough old bird, but this was too much for him and he had heart problems months later and died. I swear it was because of a broken heart. I tried to spend as much time as I could with my dad, and understand his pain, but I was grieving so hard myself that I couldn't deal much better than he did. When he died, I lost it and two years later I still feel completely lost. I basically just bury myself in work to shut out the pain, but I know that something is broken inside. I don't really enjoy anything anymore and every day I feel sad and worried that the future will come crashing down around me. I hope to see someone soon, but finding it difficult with no insurance and limited employment.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is don't give in. Try to find new ways to continue on. I made the mistake of letting too much of my life go and I am now trying to build it back up, but it's a rough climb.

Archeon, I am so sorry for your loss. As I was reading your post I was close to crying. I really don't know what I would do if tomorrow I lost both my parents, I think I would go insane and kill myself. Seriously, my parents are my life and I don't know how I would do without them in my life. Im just not prepared to face life without them. I really wished there was a way I could help you, i hope you have good friends and a family to support you. Have you tried your local church for help? I know my local church back home worked with many organizations that included mental health help centers and they offered free services.

Thanks for your kind words. I don't have many friends up here, but I do have some loving family that helps me get through the days. As I said, I'm not ready to give up just yet. I figure if I was given the strength to endure that first week without doing something drastic, I shouldn't stop now. It's rough. It is, but I will tell you that time has helped me go from basket case to at least somewhat functional and while I haven't gotten past broken, I am better than I was. I think my biggest problem right now is fitting in and having a purpose in life, which is the lost part. I hope that once I find that, I can move on to happier days.

Originally Posted by archeon

My mother died and my father and I were a wreck. Dad tried to be strong and was a tough old bird, but this was too much for him and he had heart problems months later and died. I swear it was because of a broken heart. I tried to spend as much time as I could with my dad, and understand his pain, but I was grieving so hard myself that I couldn't deal much better than he did. When he died, I lost it and two years later I still feel completely lost. I basically just bury myself in work to shut out the pain, but I know that something is broken inside. I don't really enjoy anything anymore and every day I feel sad and worried that the future will come crashing down around me. I hope to see someone soon, but finding it difficult with no insurance and limited employment.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is don't give in. Try to find new ways to continue on. I made the mistake of letting too much of my life go and I am now trying to build it back up, but it's a rough climb.

I'm sorry to hear about how difficult it's been to lose some very important people in your life. At the same time I'd like to 'pat you on the back' for trying to make the best of that situation. I know grief can be overwhelming. I've heard it said that when you lose someone who is very close to you it may take as long as 2 years to move through the grieving process. When I was a hospice volunteer I was told that some people get stuck in their grief. It sounds like you're doing your best to pull yourself up out of it.

We all travel through the valley of grief at certain times in our life, however, it's important that we not pitch a tent and camp there.

I lost my wife and two boys in a car accident 10 years ago and have yet to move on. Since I grew up in the foster care system, they were the only family I knew. I work and come home, play some golf on the weekends and that is about it, but I do get up everyday. The one thing that brought me back to reality right after the accident was my in-laws. My wife came from nine brothers and sisters. They continue to stay in contact with me and my mother-in-law is the closest thing I have ever had as a mother. I also try to give back to others by volunteering a lot of my time, but I still have yet to go out on a date. I am fifty now and women just don't look at a man my age, but then again, I don't really try either. Keep getting up and doing things, it may not get better, but it will get easier.

My grandma just diet this past July 2, 2011. It has had an affect on me and I kinda self-medicated with alcohol for awhile. I've been trying to get back to normal and stop drinking as much. I haven't been because I notice it makes depression worse, which I've known for a long time. My mom and her brothers and sisters of course were deeply affected by my grandma's death.

I am sorry for all the losses others have experienced. Some day it may be even harder to deal with the death of either of my parent's, or a significant other. My bf's significant other passed away less than two years ago.